Mike's Big Column
PART 12: 'WHERE'S MY CORNED BEEF SANDWICH??'

With St.Patrick's Day around the corner, It is time to tell the story that has been in the crew for 2 decades now. Some of you old time fans have seen the limited edition shirts - 'Thanks, Kryme' - and wondered What the hell it meant. Well, now I will tell you but first I am sure some of you are wondering how Donna fits into the scheme of things. I gonna tell you a little about Donna first.

Now station was always on stage right. That means if you are looking at the stage, I am on the left side. I started to notice this little girl a whole lot, in the front row. At first I thought she was a kid that snuck in. The stages were usually pretty high up from the audience. I mean every where we played,she was there. The reason why I noticed her so much is that she had crutches. I was speaking to Elmo one night and I mentioned the girl with the crutches. he says, 'Oh, that's Donna from Connecticut.' Probably the only person who would tell you if the guys were on or off that night, without hesitation. I would go down in between sets and meet the troops. I started to talk to Donna and realized that she was a shy person, around my age and was pleasant to talk to. Jay saw me talking to her one night and asked about her. I told him her story, the crutches,the traveling and her devotion to the band. He was very impressed and wanted to meet her. I remember the day he came down to the side of the stage and sent me to go get her. I think she almost died that day. After a lengthy conversation he went back and she returned to "her" spot. From that day on, Jay made sure Donna had room in the front. End of story. What Donna wants, Donna gets.

Once again it's time to play Emit's Inn in Jamesburg, New Jersey. It's St. Patty's day and the bar is advertising Corned beef sandwiches, green beer and Twisted Sister. I am saying great, we can have something to eat after set up because this was a hill billy town back then and no where to get a bite. I started immediately after set up, where is the corned beef. They said, it aint ready yet. ok, I will wait. The band shows up for sound check but they made a new dressing room. WITHOUT A BATHROOM. The band isn't to happy about this. They use the public facilities until the bar opens. Lets face it. These guys can't use the public bathroom, the way they looked and the shit they say up on stage. Might cause a bit of a problem. Dee comes out of the girls' bathroom and says 'You can't believe the shit these girls write in the bathroom.' If guys think they are fucked up, nothing compares to the filth of the girls bathroom. The girls win hands down with the graffiti. This guy has a big one, I am going fuck that guy, this one is a lousy lay. Dee was laughing his ass off with some of the shit he was reading.

The doors open and when you got to go you got to go. So they peed in cups and left them neatly around the dressing room wall. I ask again, where is the corned beef? Not ready yet. I am like, what the fuck, I am starving along with everybody else.

The show goes well, no real problems except for the club owner. He gets loaded for any reason. It's St. Patty's day, good reason to get loaded. To get paid, Jay has to sit down with him and do shots or else they weren't getting paid. This pissed him off but he would trick the owner into thinking he drank and finally got paid. We are almost done with the breakdown and there is a screaming lunatic in the dressing room. It is one of the bouncers who had to clean the dressing room. He was like psycho. 'I am not cleaning that fucking room! There are piss glasses all over the place! You people make me sick!,' he expounds. 'I ain't doin' it.' Then the other bouncers get involved. A lot of screaming and yelling and it was going to get violent. I figured let me try to change the subject and get people calmed down. I screamed at the top of my lungs, 'Where the FUCK IS MY CORNED BEEF SANDWICH?' I think the bar owner's name was Garvey. He comes up slurring, 'You don't get a sandwich till you clean up the piss.' I know someone else stepped in and said they would do the dirty job and everyone was happy except me. No sandwich. So when you guys see some one wearing an old T.S. shirt that says on the front, 'What is St. Pattys day without corned beef?' and on the back it says, 'You can't have a sandwich till you clean up the piss' You will know what it means.

Tears are coming out of my eyes now, and those of you who were there know how funny that episode was in real life.

All the best,
ALTINI

Part 1: Introductions
Part 2: Animal At Emit's
Part 3: Mike's Big Guitar Debut
Part 4: You're Yelling In My Ear...
Part 5: Security, Peacekeepers and Eddie Kramer
Part 6: Never Buy Lo Mein Fron A Bait Store
Part 7: Greetings from Asbury Park
Part 8: Ah! Hito! Hiata!! It is...Garbage-Ra!!
Part 10: Goodbye, Tony, Hello, Joey... Goodbye, Joey, Hello, Richie...
Part 11: The Gemini, Big Sal and Altini's Fan Club
Part 12: 'Where's My Corned Beef Sandwich??'