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| OKay- Do you all know what I have been thro while I have been away? I have met wild animals... not Mendoza ones (coz he's scared of me LMAO)... but one's that actually speak LIMEY style... here they are in sweet Knowsley safari park!!!(Click on the link to see who's talking to me!)... http://usera.imagecave.com/limes/twisedpix/o5.JPG 'HEY LIMES! Where ya been? ... You got a bit of cabbage for me?' "No Sweet heart-I only came to see if you have seen Twisted sister fans." http://usera.imagecave.com/limes/twisedpix/o6.JPG 'Twisted sister fans???...They are just in the next field or so, arn't they cyndi!' - 'Oh, yes dear... next field or so' [So limes & chums drive to the next field] "OI-BUCKCO!" 'You talking to me...peanut brain?' "Yeah-where's the next field?" http://usera.imagecave.com/limes/twisedpix/p1.JPG 'What's a field Joe?' 'Hhm. let me think...' "Come on you stupid animals-I ain't got all day!" 'Oh sorry human-I think it's this way...' http://usera.imagecave.com/limes/twisedpix/p5.JPG 'George...what was it we were looking for?' 'I dunno, lets just stand infront of this car for ten minutes and think about it.' http://usera.imagecave.com/limes/twisedpix/p7.JPG "OI... we can't get past! get out of the way!" http://usera.imagecave.com/limes/twisedpix/p8.JPG 'Who me?' 'Hey George!'... {BANG!} Horn hits front of our car!!! Gulp! 'Eerm, (forgets conversation) Mind the metal thing with your horn.' [We end up reversing after ten minutesof passer bys laughing at us, and enter the next field] http://usera.imagecave.com/limes/twisedpix/p4.JPG 'Drive slowly mate...I'm a Twisted sister fan AND a driving instructor so watch it!' "okay pal...O.M.G! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" http://usera.imagecave.com/limes/twisedpix/p2.JPG |
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Full-On SMF
Posts: 88
Location: ? | Hey Limes - that last pic....I don't think much of the dogging scene oop north, lol!  |
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| LOL... What's that? Talking of 'Humpy pumpies... I got another joke for ya... Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a whore house. When they arrived at the whorehouse, the Madame took one look at them and decided she wasn't going to waste any of her girls on these two old men. So she used "blow-up" dolls instead. She put the dolls in each man's room and left them to their business. After the two men were finished, they started for home and got to talking. The first man said, "I think the girl I had was dead. She never moved, talked or groaned...how was it for you?" The second man replied, "I think mine was a witch." The first man asked, "How's that?" "Well," said the second man, "When I nibbled on her breast... she passed gas and flew out the window!" Nice to see you back Brittster! |
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Full-On SMF
Posts: 88
Location: ? | It's always great to see my back. Great joke....I'm gonna have to think hard to beat that one.
What's the fastest cake you can get?
Scone! ('s gone!) Insert "D'oh!" here..... |
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| Awe...CAKE! I LUV A-BITA CAKE! ... high in fat - low in fat - whatcha fink? LMAO! OKay...TWISTED BRITTSTER! ... beat this one... Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day were led down to the room in which they would meet their maker. The priest had given the last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants. The Warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?" To which the man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you please play The Macarena for me one last time?"
"Certainly," replied the warden. He turned to the other man and asked, "Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?"
"Please," said the condemned man, "kill me first." |
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Full-On SMF
Posts: 88
Location: ? | Limes - sorry to hear about the death of your fellow cockney knees-up-mavva-bra-hn jellied eel pie'n'mash dodgy car-lot market stall selling banah-naahs pearly king behind the bar of the Queen Vic hero Mike Reid.
This'll get ya smiling:
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
http://archives.cnn.com/2002/TECH/science/10/03/joke.funniest/index.html |
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| Awe- poor Mike reid. I did actually like him, he was a great comedian. I used to love that show he done called 'Run around'. ROTFLMAO- that joke you said tickled me...That makes me think about this one... A woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her
husband's funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband
to be buried in a dark blue suit.
He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the black suit
that he's wearing?"
But she insists that it must be a blue suit and gives him a blank
check to buy one.
When she comes back for the wake, she sees her husband in the coffin
and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit. She tells the director how
much she loves the suit and asks how much it cost.
He says, "Actually, it didn't cost anything. The funniest thing
happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this one
wearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and
asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in
a black suit. She said that was fine with her. So... I switched the
heads." |
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Full-On SMF
Posts: 88
Location: ? | "Runarahhhnd-Nah!" (read in a deep husky voice).
This is the best I can cut and paste in such short notice:
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT
1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED CITIZEN.
2. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
3. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
4. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is A PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
5. She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
6. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
7. She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
8. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
9. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
10. She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
11. She does not have PREMIER LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY
SUPERIOR.
12. She is not a TWO-BIT SLAPPER - She is a LOW COST SERVICE PROVIDER.
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE
FACILITY.
2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - HE INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE
DESTINATIONS.
4. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
5. He is not a CRADLE SNATCHER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL
RELATIONSHIPS.
6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY
HORIZONTAL.
7. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of
RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.
8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY.
9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED
Yeah, I know what you're thinking
TB...#7... |
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Location: Graveyard BLVD. | LOL...they sure are wild thang! Love the pic's. Looked like a wild time too. Hope you had the blind fold over the kids eyes for that last photo! haha.... 
LIMES - 2007-07-18 11:53 PM
">http://usera.imagecave.com/limes/twisedpix/o6.JPG 'Twisted sister fans???...They are just in the next field or so, arn't they cyndi!' |
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Location: Graveyard BLVD. | The US Postal Service has created a stamp with a picture of Senator Hillary Clinton to honor her achievements as the First Lady of our nation. In daily use it was shown that the stamp was not sticking to envelopes.
This enraged Senator Clinton, who demanded a full investigation. After a month of testing, a special commission made the following findings:
*The stamp was in perfect order.
*There was nothing wrong with the applied adhesive.
*People were spitting on the wrong side.
LMAO!
Edited by SMF Cyndi 2007-08-02 5:50 PM
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Full-On SMF
Posts: 88
Location: ? | Umm...I'd lick Hillary 
A horse goes into a bar, and orders a beer. The barman gives him a beer and charges him $20.
Later the barman is talking to the horse and says "it's not everyday we get a horse in here"
The horse replies "At $20 a beer I'm not surprised!" |
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| LOL, this has turned into a twisted joke column. I like this one...A man was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway. On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the following day less than a mile. When the foreman asked the man why he kept painting less each day, he replied "I just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint pot." |
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| I would agree with horse - I don't think my Pete would go above £2.00 for a pint here in Lancashire LOL. ------------------------------------- JOKE: A man coughed violently, and his false teeth shot across the room and smashed against the wall. "Oh, dear," he said, "whatever shall I do? I can't afford a new set."
"Don't worry," said his friend. "I'll get a pair from my brother for you." The next day the friend came back with the teeth, which fitted perfectly.
"This is wonderful," said the man. "Your brother must be a very good dentist."
"Oh, he's not a dentist," replied the friend, "he's an undertaker." |
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Going to tell you a story-based on a true fact!
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